To start this thing off, I have never blogged, read a blog, followed a bog or been to a "blogging" website for that matter. But, today I have this urge to write...to tell my story, to share my journey with others, to find what I am looking for and to see if others share my concerns, my dreams, or my aspect on life and all that comes with it. So here goes nothing:
Today I woke up, as usual. Went outside for my morning coffee and cigarette, as usual. And scrolled through facebook, as usual. Only today felt different. I couldn't focus on the typical posts, arguments, ecards, or intriguing links, that on a typical day would spark up some sort of interest for me. So I decided to sit my phone down, on the rickity picnic table, and begin analyzing some of my familiar surroundings. The picnic table, pushed tight up against an older style 30ft fifth wheel that my two children, boyfriend and myself have called home for the past month or so. The pond, this campground considers a lake, but I could easily throw a rock to the other side. The surrounding campers, families talking, kids playing, followed by the occasional golf cart scooting past. But today, I looked past all of that, past the miniature lake, past the kids playing, past the trees beyond the campers, past the clouds even.....and then my mind takes off. (I hate it when that happens) I stare up for a few minutes before I say to myself "There has to be something more".
This feeling tends to visit me more than I think it should, I feel as if I am meant to be doing something, something big, something better, something I am supposed to be a part of. I don't know what it is, or where it may be, but its out there. I can feel it. Every inch of my body tells me to keep looking over the fence, to find what I haven't found yet, to see what haven't seen yet, to feel what I haven't already felt.
Now, this constant strive for something different has its downfalls. I am having a hard time feeling satisfied in life. Its not a trait most people would put on a resume, if you know what I mean. It keeps me searching, second guessing my decisions, and keeps me from settling down for the most part. I am to a point where I am scared I may never find whatever it is that I am looking for. That I will never be satisfied, or truly happy if I am always searching for something bigger and better.
"What exactly is my purpose?"
"Do people really know the answer to that question?"
"Or, do people just think they know the answer?"
This is where my mind comes in to play again....
The things have already seen, and done, and experienced, I would not change for the world. I have hiked the rockies, stood at the foot of Mount Rushmore, and Devils Tower, visited the Stanley Hotel, drove through the black hills, seen wildlife at its best, been to Sturgis, and deadwood, spent 2 weeks sleeping in a parking lot in Miami for spring break, traveled with a carnival across the country for 6 months just because it sounded fun. I have quit jobs at the drop of a dime to run off to my next adventure, and there is so much more in between....and that's why I am here. I want to share my journey with others, I want o help people really LIVE an enjoy doing it, and know that its possible. For people out there like me and for anybody who thinks they are missing the big picture. I plan to find myself, one way or another. Surrounded by the 3 most important people in my life, my 2 kids and my partner in crime (And my dog Maggie). I plan to log my travels and share what I see, who I meet, good restraunts, hotels, campsites, parties, destinations....whatever I experience I want to share. I want my family to see and understand why I choose the lifestyle I do. And I want to share it with anybody else who is willing to listen or searching for themselves as well.
Some call me a gypsy, some call me a wanderer, some say I am unstable, others say I need to stop and settle down. Well, I say...My name is Carrie, and I will not stop until I find exactly what it is I am looking for. With or without anybody's help, I am determined enough to make things happen for myself. Someday I am going to do something big! I can feel it!
Day 1: Typical day at the campground in Southern Michigan, waiting for the hubby to get off work. He has been talking of some different jobs, one in Missouri, one in Texas. Either way, I can't wait to see what my next big adventure is going to be. I love not knowing where I am going to be a month from now. Concerns are...My son starts kindergarten in a cpl weeks, an I don't want to move him around in the middle of the school year so we will see what happens. I would transfer him if I knew we would be staying all year. In that case we have to find a place to rent at out "next stop". One day at a time!! Advice welcome!!
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ReplyDeleteI wanted to start today by explaining my history a little bit...Dont worry I wont overload with all of the details just yet...lets just go over the basics. I grew up in a small town community, smack dab in the middle of Michigan. I lived in the same house my entire life, went to the same school and grew up around the same people. It was an everybody knows everybody kind of place. Had its ups and downs I suppose. The local gas station a block away on the corner where my dad would send me to get him a pop, or the VFW across the street where we all would walk on the 3rd Satuday of the month for their amazing chicken dinners, the Dairy Depot a block and a half away where as kids we thought was the best Ice cream in the world, the pizza place downtown had a small acrcade and was the only kind of entertainment my town had so easily became the most popular hangout as we got older. Everything was within walking distance from my house, made my life easy as I kinda just came and went as I pleased...
ReplyDeleteMy mom worked part time at the hospital in the next town over. My dad was a carpenter, union paid and employed for my entire childhood. Still a proud member if I might add. He has always worked a lot, when I was young I truley beleive he found a great deal of pride and satisfaction within his work.
My mom was firm but caring yet she would rather chew the skin off her fingers than show any sign of emotion toward another human being. She moved around more like a robot when we were young, work...clean...dinner...dishes...and repeat.
Maybe squeeze a bath in there somewhere. My dad was always the caring one, yet if we did something wrong, we knew it! By we I am referring to my siblings in which I have forgot to mention...My sister is 4 years younger than me, My brother is 7 years older...Yes, that puts me right in the middle. Beneficial at times, I suppose, but not usually. If your a middle child, I need not explain.....
Break time for now, but Im still waiting for some comments and some stories from others around the world, so lets kick this off people! I want to hear where you have been, what you do, if your in the peace corp, or a salesman, or a local carnie, or even if you bag groceries or flip burgers in your spare time. I want to hear stories, dreams, adventures...Whatever you want!
http://lukeroland.com/2013/08/09/not-all-those-who-wander-are-lost/#comment-1013803449
ReplyDeleteWell here is someone kind of like myself...love to see a fellow wanderer!